I just don’t love you anymore, Ritual

Yesterday I had a most acceptable iced coffee from Ritual. It didn’t have any of the bitter metallic vienna sausage taste that, you know, it has. I was all like, “Oh Ritual, you did me so right with this iced coffee. I was wrong to ever leave you. I am soothed mightily by thy elixir.” Then this morning, Pete gave me a bite of her vegan blueberry doughnut from Ritual, which tasted only of nasty overused fryer grease and hatred. I guess I can’t blame Ritual for the doughnuts. No, I can.