In an inspired display of circuitous thought process, a New Zealish man who was pestered by his wife into buying a last-minute lottery ticket ran out of money for a sausage while bargain hunting, and decided his best course of action was to check his lottery ticket to see if he’d won a sausage’s worth of prize money. Obviously, he had landed a $4.2 million jackpot. (via JB)
The man recounts his wife’s reaction:
“When she realized how much it really was, she fell to the floor, and then said: ‘but all I wanted was a sausage.’”
I like to imagine the woman falling to the floor, overcome by the new burden of being a millionaire. Her modest, cracker-barrel wish for a simple sausage growing ever further from her grasp. Now it’s all foie gras torchons and brut rosé for the plainspoken housewife from Auckland. Oh how we claw up and up and up, and in the end, yearn for a life closer to the earth.
No, but on the real, what the hell? You spent all of your sausage money on bargains and lottery tickets? What are your kids going to eat? Bargains?
It’s tempting to bend the arc of history toward sausages-helping-you-win-the-lottery, but really, we should take a moment and consider that if that lotto ticket had been a dud, this guy would be returning home sausage-less. The moral of the story then, is not, “Buy a lotto ticket and you’ll probably win a million sausages,” but rather, “If you only have enough money for two of the three, go with sausages and bargains, or sausages and lotto tickets. Who knows when you’ll have the scratch for another hot link?” This guy came dangerously close to not getting any sausage at all. Let that be the lesson.
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