3:53 (Liveblogging my lack of things to blog about, Retroactive Part 5)

What happened to part 5 of the liveblog? Sometimes in the heat of the moment, when rushing to write about nothing as quickly as possible, one loses count of the number of nothing-posts one has posted.

Pete says I should stuff teddy bears into the jars instead of ketchup, but ketchup is delicious and nutritious. Lycopene or whatever.

Did anybody else see this semen cookbook, by the way? A cursory Google search for “Natural Harvest semen” (actually, no quotation marks) yields 44,000 results, implying that yes, you’ve probably already seen it. Pete’s Christmas jar is going to be filled with a recipe from the book. F U, stuffed animals.

3:32PM (Liveblogging my lack of things to blog about, Part 6)

Here’s the thing. Are any of my other blog posts any more substantial than today’s?

I ate too much caramel popcorn.

I should go to the gym.

2:50PM (Liveblogging my lack of things to blog about, Part 4)

2:50. Still nothing doin’.

TK floated the idea of a Chris Gaines -style, skinny, vegetarian Plebiscite alter ego that I could assume when I want to blog about fashion, friends, hair, or dancing. Maybe I should do that.

Happy birthday, by the way, TK.

Jar Jar Stinks (Liveblogging my lack of things to blog about, Part 3)

I’m beginning to realize that I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about things I want to do. If self-improvement were only a matter of staring at a wall and thinking about your goals, I would be the most self-improved man in the self-impruniverse.

Here’s what I’m thinking about doing: putting things in jars and giving them away as holiday gifts.

Do I have enough time to infuse cachaca or vodka before next weekend? Would people use homemade ketchup?

Again, this isn’t something I’ve done, or am sure I’m going to do. It’s just something I’m thinking about doing, which makes this the third post of this nature today.

I’m also having serious difficulty getting anything done on the kids book today. Is the story of Richard Jewell too dark and bizarre to tell to 10-year-olds?

Bacon Snow (Liveblogging my lack of things to blog about, Part 2)

Sir Francis Bacon Snow

I have neglected to ask Anthony what the bacon snow on tomorrow’s MSF menu is, so I can’t provide any illumination on that. I can only share the weird, revolting version I postulated in the car with J-dubs this morning.

Hypothetical Bacon Snow Recipe

Make a bacon stock (boil bacon in a pot)
Freeze it
Scrape it with a fork, like a granita
Serve atop a pair of pillowy breasts

That is all.

I remain your most uninsightful and unproductive servant,

Plebby-poo

Gravlaxative (Liveblogging my lack of things to blog about, Part 1)

I’m thinking I should make gravlax this Christmas. My mom likes gravlax, and it’s one of those dishes that is surprisingly easy and rewarding to make, but not enough people actually go through with it. Like cranberry sauce. I have nothing else to say or show you about the process of making gravlax, as it’s just a thought I had while driving to work this morning. Someday I hope to learn what it is to, how you say, blog.

And thus, the search for something worth blogging about continues. See you in an hour, at which point I’ll hopefully have done half an hour’s worth of work.

Sliders, skewers, theft

I went to a screening of Revolutionary Road last night, followed by a reception at Sens in the Embarcadero Center, where the food was better than expected. Not to say I expected it to be bad. I didn’t expect anything, as how the hell am I supposed to know anything about restaurants in the Embarcadero Center? That was a terrible sentence and a cheap shot. Sens made good sliders. Dozer apparently had $180 stolen from her wallet in the coat check. There were phyllo apple turnovers that were pretty tasty. 

What am I doing? Reviewing the hors d’oeuvres at a post- film screening reception? Jesus. Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to liveblog today’s complete lack of things to say and what will likely be a daylong struggle to do my job and simultaneously come up with something worthwhile to say to you. Today’s gonna be a wash, Plebiscite-wise.